To: cheshire@2600.com
Subject: new tech support jokes

 A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The
 tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then
 responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point.
 The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is
 working fine."

--

 Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
 Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she
 downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"


--

 Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
 same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now
 type the letter P to bring up the Program Manager."

 Customer: "I don't have a P."

 Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."

 Customer: "What do you mean?"

 Tech Support: "P on your keyboard, Bob."

 Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

--

 Overheard in a computer shop:

 Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."

 Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."

 Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

--

 I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back
 to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.

--

 Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"

--

 I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go
 something like this:

 Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"

--

 Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to
 "The Internet."

--

 Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"

 Tech Support: "Yeah."

 Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"

 Tech Support: "Uh...uh...uh...yeah."

--

 Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."

 Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows...because of the icons. I'm a
 Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."

 Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it
 was meant to..."

 Customer: "I don't care about any industry terms. I don't believe in
 icons."

 Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the little picture of a file
 cabinet...is little picture ok?"

 Customer: [click]

--

 Customer: "My computer crashed!"

 Tech Support: "It crashed?"

 Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."

 Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."

 Customer: "No, it didn't crash. It crashed."

 Tech Support: "Huh?"

 Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. Now it doesn't
 work."

 Turned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed his spaceship.

 Tech Support: "Click on File, then New Game."

 Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

 ----------
 R. Stephen Gibbs
 Visiting Lecturer
 University of Texas at Dallas
 Voice:  (972) 883-2672   FAX:  (972) 883-2710
 http://www.utdallas.edu/~gibbs/